I don’t wanna… but I gotta.

Have you every just woken up- tired?  That’s been me lately.  I cannot seem to wake up refreshed because most of the time I can’t sleep! All I want to do is stay in bed, curled under the covers, hidden from the world.  I must admit, I thought that this was a little bit of depression creeping back -yeah- I suffered from postpartum depression (that’s another post all together).  It’s horrible.  But no- I think it’s just first time mommy-hood and spreading myself too thin.

Raising a little one is hard work.  Anyone that says otherwise needs to come visit me and tell me all their secrets. Like for real.  Those of you that have more than one- can keep your house clean and can shower everyday- you are a GOD.

I feel like I clean the house at least 10x a day- as I have a little tornado creature that leaves toys EVERYWHERE.  Thank the LORD for amazing cleaning ladies- Alecia and Carmen- that do a deep clean once a month (if you are in CVille and are looking for awesome cleaning peeps- let me know).

I rarely finish what I’m doing most of the time- yeah- while writing this, I have had to take 3 dance breaks.  Dance breaks?  Julia, LOVES dancing, so when she’s watching her Bubble Guppies show and they have their song moments, she comes and grabs my hand so I can come in there and have a mini dance party.  How can I refuse!? I love it. To top it off- I cannot focus.  I like to start something then get bored and move on to the next thing.

“You should totally work out.”

Oh sure, that sounds like soooo much fun.  NOT.  I’m sure it would probably give me more energy, however, let’s just be real here.  When I have a spare moment- I want to sit on my tuchus and do NOTHING.  That’s not completely true- I do research on what to cook next in my Instant Pot, look up plane ticket prices (more on that later), or write here.  Plus- there’s the whole- who to watch Julia?  The gym I’m a member of and pay monthly for- doesn’t offer babysitting.  DON’T laugh!  Yeah- I have a gym membership- just in case I can or want to work out.  But there’s the thing, I hate working out by myself.  I will go from machine to machine looking clueless because it’s boring.  Maybe I need to join a team sport sorta thingy.  I’ve always wanted to try fencing or Brazilian jiujitsu.  I’ll have you know I was pretty good at TaeKwonDo… when I was twelve.  I was also pretty good at surfing and cheerleading (hey to my cheer peeps).   Man, getting older blows.

Bubbins, my hubby, aka Steve, is so disciplined with working out.  He does crossfit three times a week and even runs on our treadmill during the weekend.  I just don’t wanna.

I feel like when you are a “full time mom” life is a bit different.  I could be totally wrong.  I’d love to hear your opinions.  I feel like it would be different dropping her off with someone- going to work- then picking her up and coming home.  There’s more structure there.  Being that I’m already all over the place- it’s been a really big adjustment.  DO NOT read this wrong.  I am so incredibly thankful that I am able to spend every waking moment with her.  But I do also have the stress of managing about 15 student properties, running a construction company with my mom and volunteering for a local non-profit.  Here’s where that spreading myself too thin comes into play.  More on the properties, construction and non profit stuff in another post.

Sometimes, you just don’t wanna.  Today, I just don’t wanna, but I gotta.

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Now that I’ve taken about 5 more dance breaks- I’ve come back and reread this- whoa- negative Nancy anyone?  Meh- just being honest.  How do you guys recharge?

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Steve likes to head up to the mountains and hike.  I like it- just not when we are clinging onto the side of a mountain, literally, with a baby on (his) back and one wrong foot placement would be the end.

My favorite place is the beach.  I feel like that’s my heaven- my Valhalla (we watched Vikings last night and I’m totally into it).  We haven’t been to the beach since October 2014.  Wow.  But… guess what ya’ll: we are going to Hawaii.  Hey girl hey!!  Here’s where those plane ticket searches come in.  So my Bubbins has a conference for work, so he will be going to Kauai.  And you better believe Julia and I are tagging along!  I’ve already researched babysitters to use while there, lol.  I can’t tell you how excited I am! Just to stick my toes in the sand and hear those waves crashing back and forth.  Yaaaasssss gurl yaaasss.  Anyone been?  Any suggestions on things to see?

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Our next trip is DISNEY. So- negative Nancy needs to go on somewhere, because I will totally deal with the “I don’t wanna” days until these trips.  I’m so excited for Disney.  Julia and I will have a few mommy and me days due to Steve being at another conference.   I’m totally making us shirts.  Mama mouse and mini mouse- LOL.  The Crafty CVillian will strike again soon!  (That’s my etsy shop for when I’m feeling crafty and not a “I don’t wanna” day).

So in closing- we all have those “I don’t wanna” days.  But I guess we need to look at all the good things going on in life.  Even look towards the future good stuff and press on.  It’s all worth it in the end.

There are many people out there struggling to have just one more day- and here I am with my “I don’t wanna”.

Pick up your boots, dust off your pjs and hold on to your butts!  You just gotta.

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You gotta. It’s all worth it.

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3 thoughts on “I don’t wanna… but I gotta.

  1. I can totally relate to everything!

    For Hawaii, We’ve been for our honeymoon. We went by cruise and went to the main islands, so I cannot recommend a hotel, I suggest you find a luau to go to…Julia will LOVE the dancing in it since she apparently loves dancing. My favorite island is Maui. We went to Ka’anapali Beach in Lahaina, Maui and loved it. There is a black sand beach on the big island (Richardson beach), I don’t recommend that one only due to Julia since there are a lot of huge rocks in the shallow end…the water at this beach is very clear and saw many tropical fish up close.

    Let me know if you want to know anything else.

    1. Amy thank you! We are probably going to be staying on Kauai 🌴 island- but i would love to visit the other islands. I just don’t know how easy it is to hop 🙂
      I cannot wait to see Julia’s face when she sees the dancers! Thank you so much for the info!!

      I’m so glad you can relate. I wrote this blog post kinda throughout the day so I hoped it made sense.
      My husband said “but you didn’t resolve the issue”. My response was that I don’t really think there is a resolution yet- we just have to do it! :-). If I find one I’ll post haha!

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